My, my how time flies??

This time two years ago I had so many emotions going through my mind not to mention about 25lbs heavier too.  Obviously, Wilkins was definitely not planned but something I would never change.  At this time two years ago I was absolutely miserable.  I had already been on bed rest for a little over a month so I had a lot of time on my hands to think.  Am I ready for this?  Can I do this alone?  Will I be a good mother?  Why did this happen?  How will I explain why she has no father?  Will she understand?  What is she going to miss out on because she has no father?  Will I be enough for her? 
All these questions going through my head just intensified all the feelings I was having.  The funny thing is once she was placed in my arms and I heard that cry I realized that we will take it day by day, walking hand in hand, figuring it out together.  I am not saying that I don't have any fears, questions, or anxiety about tomorrow because I do.  I just know that for today I am going to enjoy it for what it is.  I am going to be grateful that she happened to me whether planned or not, whether alone or not.  God chose me to be this little girl's mother and for that I will live each day trying to be the best mother she could have.  And when the day arrives that she asks about the lack of a father I know God will guide me through this hard conversation.  He will help me explain things in a way that will not make her feel less loved.  So as the years pass by this is the conversation I worry about more and more.
I don't feel sorry for myself because I am raising Wilkins alone or sorry for her.  We are the lucky ones to have each other.  I feel sorry for him.  He is the one missing out on one amazing little girl.  He is the one who missed out on her first bottle, first smile, first tooth, first birthday, first steps, first words, and so many more firsts.  One day he might want to be a part of her life but that will be her choice because he walked away.  He no longer has that choice. 
Wilkins is going to grow up to be an amazing person with a big attitude and heart.  I am a better person because of this amazing child that was given to me by God almost two years ago...


  1. Bless you, child. :-) God's plan is always perfect. . .you are so wise in already realizing all we can do is take it one step at a time - and trust Him!

  2. You have a beautiful little girl and you are doing an amazing job with her. We all ask ourselves these questions and have yet to come up with the perfect answer, but all we can do is our best and I believe that you are.

  3. I do not know how she could ever feel less love! Me and Uncle Bradley love love love her and love love love when she comes to stay with us. She has big close family and we both know that growing up we had alot of crappy times but we always knew that our family loved us and we always had someone in our corner. She will feel the same way!!! Because she always will ME!!!

  4. Hey Girl I enjoyed reading your blog and your baby is beautiful and no doubt God gave her to you, so enjoy everyday with her and know everything will be fine because HE is the one in control.It was good to see you this summer and I am proud to know life is going good for you.Take care! Love,Crystal