Balloon Release for Layla Grace...

Yesterday we (me, Wilkins, Haley, Lucas, Logan, and Tanya) went to the park to release balloons in honor of little Layla Grace.  It was very important to me to do this because Layla has really helped me realize the important things in life.  Being apart of this has made me cherish motherhood so much more.  So with that said I am going to do what I can to help spread the word about Layla Grace and Neuroblastoma.  Starting today, I am working 10am-10pm so I don't know how much I will blog this week because I am gonna be lucky to keep my head on straight and spend the "extra" time with little miss priss aka Wilkins!      

Speaking of Wilkins...can the "Terrible Twos" start before she turns 2? I am thinking she has already entered that phase because she has so much energy and has been getting into everything. She has been so wild. It's like her whole personality has done a 180 in the last 3 weeks. I don't know if I am ready for that...I thought I had a couple more months for that. So on top of the terrible twos we are also trying to potty train. I am not sure that Wilkins is ready for this but we are definitely going to try. We got rid of the pacifier in January so now the big obstacle is using th potty instead of the diaper. Truth be told...I think that Wilkins is just too lazy to use the potty. During the day she will go to the potty but at night she doesn't do so well. This kid sleeps until at least 9:30am and sometimes 11am. If I go wake her up before then she will use the potty but if I don't then she is sopping wet when she decides to get up. Sometimes she lays in her bed for hours in the morning after she has woke up and just watch cartoons. I am telling you she likes her sleep. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I enjoy the fact that she sleeps late but sometimes she makes me lazy too. :) That's okay though!!

Well...off to bed I go.  Gotta a long week ahead of me!

Pennies for Penny....Neuroblastoma again?!

So I had never heard of Neuroblastoma until a little over a month ago when I was sent an invite to the group "Praying for Layla Grace" and now I am hearing about it everywhere.  I was reading someone's blog and someone mentioned that "Penny" had just been diagnosed with Neuroblastoma so I followed the link just to read about it.  This little girl isn't even a year old.  This isn't fair.  I am absolutely done with this disease.  I want to do whatever I can to help fight this!!  I don't know whether to be angry or sad.  I don't know how Shanna or Carina is handling this.  This is so unfair...I have a hard time reading about this and I have tears running down my face as I do so how are they living this nightmare?!  Please everyone donate what you can whether it be money or just taking the time out to read about little Penny and little Layla Grace and spreading the word.  I don't want to hear of anymore children having to go through this torment...they are just babies and they deserve to be running around without a care in the world.  They shouldn't have to be poked and prodded nor should they have to be scared.

"Stay strong, stay organized, stay focused. She is scared and me being scared and crying will only make her more scared so, I have to be strong. It is what it is and we have to learn how to deal with it and move forward. It seems silly to say but Aaron and I go in opposing waves. When he is upset and in the “why” frame of mind, I am strong and focused. When he is strong and focused, I’m a mess. It helps most of the time but there are times when we both breakdown. Needless to say Penelope is a trooper. It breaks my heart to see her in pain and many times I just get up in her crib and snuggle with her. I want so badly just to hold her in my arms while she sleeps without the cords and the pain. I want to see her walking and talking. I want her to smile and dance with Elmo and get giddy and tickled when she gives him kisses and hugs. I want to have her Sesame Street 1st birthday party at the park like we planned."  Penelope's mom...Carina

Please share this with everyone you know...http://www.pennies4penny.org/

Still have Layla on my mind and in my heart...

It is absolutely amazing to me how much of an impact this little girl has had on me.  I literally check everyday to see if there are any new tweets, messages, etc and today I got to hear Layla's dad talking on one of the local radio stations in Texas (http://www.krbe.com/  Laylasupdate).  This family is abolutely amazing.  I don't think I can express in words how much they have touched me and continue to touch my heart still.  It is very humbling to hear people like them speak about their experience and how they are handling it. 

I find myself still continuing to tell Layla's story.  I am a manager at Cracker Barrel and as you can imagine I come in contact with tons of people on a daily basis.  It seems like just about everyday I have told about Layla and her amazing family and then wrote down on a piece of paper how to read about it.  Just today I was talking to one of my good friends, who happens to also be a manager, about Layla and how much it has affected me.  I was literally in tears in the office telling him about her and how we never think that something like that could happen to us.  I bet the Marsh family never expected this to happen to them and in the blink of an eye the whole world flipped upside down.  I know I have said this a million times but I truly mean it...I don't know how they handle this with such strength, courage, grace, and diginity.  The words written and spoken by both Ryan and Shanna are put into such a way that just pulls you in and feel like you are a part of their family. 

I will continue to tell their story and help them raise awareness for Neuroblastoma.  Layla will always hold a special place in my heart.  Each time my frustrations start to surface with my own 2 year old daughter I will take a deep breath and remember Shanna's post: 

"The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."

This one post struck a nerve with me and has resonated with me since the day I read it.  As mothers, I think that we all have these thoughts.  As readers of this blog, I think we are all realizing the importance of embracing everything, even the moments when we are at our wit's end.

I continue to pray for the entire Marsh family and friends daily.  The vision I have of Layla now is spinning in circles with her arms held out wide, palms up, head back, smiling with no pain or worries, in a field of wild flowers with all the other children God has taken home.

Today and Yesterday...

Today I went to work, yesterday I went to the park.  Today I tried to keep busy, yesterday I tried to play.  Today I kept getting distracted, yesterday I kept getting distracted.  Today and yesterday my mind keeps remembering Layla Grace Marsh.  I can't seem to shake how much this little girl has shaken up my whole world.  Don't get me wrong this is not in a bad way.  It definitely has made me open my eyes and be a better mother.  I can't imagine what life would be like without Wilkins.  I wonder if I could bear the burden as gracefully as the Marsh family has.  I know God had/has a plan for this family and this little girl.  Through her, people all around the world have come together to unite.  She has made mothers be better mothers, brought faith to people that had lost all faith, been an inspiration to the uninspired, brought hope to the hopeless, brought tears to the eyes of many just by being.  I am so glad that through her mother's words I got to know this little girl.  I got to hear of the strength and courage she displayed while battling this horrible disease known as Neuroblastoma.  I will always be grateful to her family and their words for it has had a huge impact on my life.  Thank you so much Marsh family...for your words.

Our day at the park...

A little piece of my heart...

Wasn't exactly sure what to title this post because I am not exactly sure what I am going to be typing.  I am just kind of at a loss and just need to get my thoughts out of my head.  I am so bothered by the loss of Layla Grace.  I can't get it out of my head not that I want to forget it but I can't seem to move on from it right now.  I don't even know this little girl but my heart is continuing to break everytime I read or hear something else about her.  I look at Wilkins and I see Layla Grace and how easy this could have been my child.  I don't know how the Marsh family is coping with this loss.  I believe in God and I believe he has a plan for everyone but I just can't fathom this.  I want to do something.  I want to help somehow.  I know there is really nothing that I can do but pray and try to keep her legacy alive by telling others about her story.  I know that I can honor her memory by making the most of every moment I have with Wilkins and my family. 
I don't know that I wouldn't be angry with God for taking my little girl from me if I were Layla's mom.  I don't know what emotions I would be feeling.  I know how I am feeling so confused right now.  Why does God have to take this little girl whom has done no harm to anyone but let mean people live?  This little girl didn't even get to go to school for the first time, her mother will never get to see her little girl go to school for the first time.  I know that I am not guaranteed any of these things either but I do get to have another day with my little girl.  Why? Why do things like cancer exist?  Why do little angels like Layla Grace have to suffer?  It isn't fair!!  I will continue to try to raise awareness about Layla Grace and her fight against Neuroblastoma.  Everytime I start to complain about something that Wilkins does, I will try to stop myself and just remember how lucky I am that I have Wilkins.